heart is super full.

daybreak, snuggled in bed with candles lit. as it turns out, decisions and things said while tipsy on tacos and tequila are maybe not all great.

sometimes i play a game where i look at things from the other side. like, my inability to sleep means that the percentage of time i’m awake for life is just so much higher.

mornings. smoked salmon, and everything should be drenched in avocado. when sleeping, i never dream about you. which is most likely a good thing, so that you make waking feel like a dream.

walked to work in the misty rain underneath a pink umbrella that kept threatening to break in the wind, but didn’t. contemplated love a lot. thought several times about saying it out loud. a friend demanding to be quoted on twitter, and i told him, “all in due time.” 🙂

carried porcelain trays to return to a coffee shop, and a guy offered to help carry everything up the stairs. declined his offer with a smile, watched more tattoo-ed men make donuts. walked along the West side highway, hair blowing in the wind. sat on a bench to read a newspaper, shamelessly finished an article about Anna Kendrick*.

in the warm overcast New York light, a lovely surprise lunch (i looked down, was still wearing yoga pants, sorry guys) complete with green shakshuka and puns baked right in. blue, and green, and everything in between. visited the guys at the restaurant, who demanded to know about the (actually innocuous) ring i’m wearing on my left ring finger. hah! looked down, still wearing yoga pants and not a dress. so, very obviously an innocuous ring.

finally, jokes aside, a reminder that life is so short. tomorrow is not a promise. nothing is certain.

i got back to the office. a call regarding the two car accidents i experienced two years ago. N overheard, walked in to chat with me about it. i told him that every day i try to have gratitude for even being able to stand up. “I guess I do take this glorious body for granted,” he said, gesturing downwards. i do too, but i mean, the fact that i can now walk and carry porcelain trays up the stairs without help is incredible.

really we are entitled to nothing in this life. nothing is a promise, nothing is a guarantee. “forever” is kind of only this moment, isn’t it?

love now. do now. hug now. touch now. dance now. speak now.
god, all that, and it’s only midday.

***

* on Anna Kendrick, she’s one of my Twitter heroes.
“Pale, awkward and very very small. Form an orderly queue, gents.”