Category: daily

Did any world not begin with love?

Love, by its very nature, is unworldly, and it is for this reason rather than its rarity that it is not only apolitical but antipolitical, perhaps the most powerful of all antipolitical forces.

— Hannah Arendt

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Did we not walk through the woods side by side, our hearts bursting with as much light as there was shining through the trees?

Did we not meet on an airplane, our ears popping, but speaking louder to each other in Spanish about literature and South American poetry?

Did you not put your arm around me for the first time while walking down Crosby Street?

Did we not kiss with the Empire State building watching us?

Did we not grow up together, under the same sky? Are we not growing old together now, walking the same earth?

Did we not run through the leaves together, marveling at the sound?

Did we not break bread together, bandages on fingers and coffee in hand?

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Did I not think of you while watching the city skyline from a distance; the shadowy outlines of Manhattan coming to life in the morning after shedding itself from the mist and fog of the night?

Did you not surprise me with flowers one spring day?

Did you not disappoint me with your absence one summer night?

Did we not wake at the same time to hear the owl’s song?

Did you not send me a quiet message-in-a-bottle: “The opposite of faith is not doubt: It is certainty. That might be the opposite of love, as well.”

Did you not sit on the other side of the door while I was weeping, your voice reaching for mine?

Did you not sing to me as I fell asleep?

Did we not stand, a river apart, wondering how the other was sleeping?

Are we not countries apart now, thinking of the same thing?

Are we not all of different skin colors and religions and even political beliefs, yet marveling all the same at these little details of love?

Did any revolution not begin with hope? Did any winter not end with spring? Did any change not begin with doubt? Did any world not begin with love?

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inevitable futures (koi no yokan)

hey, hi.

last night, fell asleep to the sound of the moon with my hair and eyes still wet and glistening from the beauty of summer. the fan spinning slowly above me, my whole body tingling from the midwest air.

in this critical state, i accidentally bought the books i wanted to read you lines from, because it’s the final way i have left to send you love letters.

(in Stranger Things, we learn that we will find every way possible to communicate across voids, even if it involves stringing up hundreds of Christmas lights in the living room.)

today, Rebecca Perry puts it just right:

gratitude journal

oh good morning!

i keep a gratitude journal, and it’s separate from my main daily journal (which i lovingly call “The Main Squeeze” on my journaling app, so that i don’t get confused).

i don’t post in the gratitude journal as often as i’d like to, but here are some real entries (from the past 3 weeks) for things i’m grateful for!

  • waking up early to do yoga on the rooftop, facing you.
  • r. telling me “hey rose, your ‘sad state’ is better than most people’s normal state :)”
  • met matt damon in my dreams last night, what?
  • the feeling when i’ve slept with my hair wet and i let it down in the morning and the curls fall everywhere around my face, like pillowy clouds
  • c. telling me that i’m his “sriracha soulmate”
  • s. sending me the menu of osteria francescana, which has lovely watercolors and now  i am dreaming of going to italy one day and eating there and meeting massimo

  • changed my work chat dock icon to a dancing Hobbes and it changed my life
  • when doorman exclaims as i go downstairs on my way to work after rolling out of bed and throwing random clothes on at 8 in the morning: “you look so incredibly beautiful! tell me what your secret is! you don’t even wear makeup!” me blushing and shaking my head.
  • the possible rain, the certainty that it will pass
  • the man playing the accordion on the subway platform that brought tears to my eyes
  • the 25 cent vending machine at work
  • mom and dad practicing juggling for exercise
  • t. telling me after reading my blog posts, and me being self-conscious of their recent length & subject: “they always seem too short, when you are the one writing.”
  • the wild chase for the m&m statue!
  • netflix
  • dairy substitutes
  • watching the galway girl scene over and over
  • my amazing, imperfect knees that still work after everything they’ve been through
  • avocados

 

have an incredible, gratitude-filled day.

 

lucky dragon

E. convinced me to try it as we sat in his living room one night, while eating chocolate-covered figs. He retrieved a Swiffer from the crowded broom closet and taught me how to paddle. He sat down next to me on the couch, handed me the Swiffer, and we pretended we were on a boat. I expressed my doubts. He shrugged and suggested that all the guys who do it are really fit and good-looking. The whole situation was comical, and I bought into it. I mean, there were chocolate-covered figs involved. Of course I was tricked!

The next day, he texted me at like 8:23am and asked, “You awake?”

Ugh. So I pulled on my stupid tiny bike shorts and geeky waterproof shoes to trudge downstairs for my first dragon boat practice. We arrived at the World’s Fair Marina, already drenched in sweat. The heat was nearly unbearable, even for me(!) I felt my hair immediately growing lighter, my skin growing darker.

We got on the water. I felt like I couldn’t breathe after every run. But E. was right in the end. All the common suffering buoyed us, and I just reminded myself what he promised (tricked?) me: “Yeah, it seems like you’re doing to die and you won’t make it through the sprint. But TRUST ME it will make you forget all the suffering your heart is going through.”

… yeah. sho’ did. For a hot minute.

***

Before we went out on the water, the very fit and good-looking guy in front of me (that part wasn’t 100% a lie) turned around while the boat was still docked and introduced himself.

“Hi, I’m Jack,” he said.

“Hi, I’m Rose,” I replied.

“Oh man. It’s like… Titanic! We met on a boat together!” he ventured, grinning. Which makes this the first time in history a guy has initiated the cheesy part of the Titanic reference with utter sincerity. “Just promise me you’ll never let go.”

You really can’t make this up, even if you wanted to.

So yeah, um. After that, I paddled the sh*t out of that race, my eyes following his paddle the whole time (I got lectured later about the difference between paddling and rowing).

That evening, my roommate brought home a whole bag of Jamaican sweet currant rolls and asked if I wanted any. I told myself, I deserve this.

And yes, I believe I do. I deserve this life. My heart sure will go on.

You can’t have everything at once. But give me one of each: the sun on my face, the water, a way to paddle to another shore, and the ability to write myself out of any storm.

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