how the light gets in.

sunset on the hudson last night.

waves of cold air wafting in from the water, but it didn’t matter in the end.

i still don’t remember much of what i mumbled to you. you’ve always been good at getting me to talk when i least should speak. i sigh as i clumsily overstep the self-set boundaries. we argue lightly about whether the better description of this particular mistake is my “Biggest” or my “Favorite.”

i bury my face in hair and chests and arms and shoulders. “you’re the perfect height,” is the common response, though i’ve always felt that i come up short.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

– Leonard Cohen

i find the cracks that keep on growing.
it doesn’t matter what it means, but maybe it is that every year i fail at love.

i’m not sure if this is trying again,
but if so, it is with only faint knowledge of what failure might look like.
you’d think i’d be a pro at avoidance by now.
but, Beckett lends his wisdom.

no matter.

Fall again. Fall harder.
Fail again. Fail better.
yet Cohen is right, somehow Light keeps flooding in.


From TM:

I hope you remember that I’ve oft quoted this Sam Beckett and believe it in everything
(live it in everything)
I do, make, share, love:

Ever tried. Ever failed.
No matter.
Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

I’m not sure which it says about me:

I neurotically re-attempt an act whose outcome I’ve experienced as failure
I persevere.

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