– to avoid cream cheese frosting. followed closely by “who am i kidding?” and devouring it, of course.

– to nonchalantly (and maybe coyly) pretend like i wasn’t going to swim in freezing northeastern rivers, but of course jumping 5 minutes later.

– to faithfully try to be as Beyoncé-like as possible on 7/11.

– to not sing loudly along with the mariachis belting out “Besame Mucho” at the subway station. they caught me shyly mouthing the words.

– to become a rockstar at walking in high heels after a dismal demonstration in Europe (i can already dance backwards in them, why the hell not?)

– to not turn to mush while watching a couple dance down the wooden dock to the sound of Rascal Flatts. turning, of course, to mush anyway.

– to stubbornly try to have conviction about listening to my head instead of my heart. i woke up two hours ago today (too early), still rather steady in my conviction. i made some tea. heart peeking (peaking!) out quietly (knowingly) in the end, recognizing the tiny beginnings of yet another triumph. the sun was rising. my friend Traci once wrote:

“It’s that easy. It’s dangerous how quickly I let go of things. With how much force I pick things up.

And then, of course, is what sticks around. In spite of me letting it go. That we call love.”

***

P.S. this is my 1,000th post here!