Category: inspiration

I received a message: “I’m gonna keep visiting you so… we have a lifetime.”

And it kind of felt like this avalanche came crashing down onto my deserted heart. This realization that I’ve been treating everything in my life as temporary. To protect myself. New York City does that to you. I think in hours, days, sometimes months. Everything is finite. The light, the warmth, the space, the cold, the seasons when half a pint of blueberries costs $13, the waits for the subway, the eternal pulse of the night, the snowstorms, the leaves changing, the feeling that someone loves you. The hope that someone may want your company for longer than a few hours, for more than just your body. It is so much easier to convince yourself that it is all momentary, ephemeral.

I command it to be, so that when it ends (as it inevitably will), I’ll be prepared.

I flinch at “lifetime” or “always.”

But today. “We have a lifetime” calmed everything down. Everything felt less urgent, so still. Like it was okay to believe that someone will stand in the sun with me. And keep me company while I make jam. And that the light will linger.

“…none of us can get
far enough away from each other
and none of us can get close enough.”
– Dean Young

It is not enough to fight for the land; it is even more important to enjoy it

This morning:
A rather mild and welcome overdose of John Mayer’s more bluesy/folksy songs while eating overripe nectarines beside the window.

This afternoon:
The Head and the Heart on repeat because I need to learn more about former. “Rivers and roads, rivers until I reach you.”

This evening:
Homemade tomato jam made by the one and only Randwiches (don’t worry, I obtained the recipe) and the hope that one day I’ll grow up to be brave enough to run away to Tokyo just to make photos. Walking around in sticky sweet summer, and then voracious reading of Edward Abbey (in fact, so entranced by it that I nearly missed my subway stop and a man jumped up to hold apart the closing doors to allow me to run out).

Edward Abbey, because all I can think about after Saturday night (and morning) are words of one genre:

“wild,”
“freedom,”
“hope,”
“life,”
“earth,”
“space.”

And music, of course and always music.

There is one more unsaid word, the one that I have failed to mention as a category or theme after 15 years of writing here. Perhaps even then I knew that it would find its way into everything despite all struggles against it.

Edward Abbey, on all of the things mentioned above:
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Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, “Desiderata”

Photos taken during almost-sunset at Pier 11 after disembarking the Red Hook ferry.