Author: Rose Kuo

loves music, loves to dance. www.rosekuo.org

“Cucumber becomes me. I become cucumber.”

Jeong Kwan is a Buddhist nun living in Seoul who happens to also be revered for her cooking. She’s been praised by noted chefs like Eric Ripert of Le New York City’s Le Bernadin. Her vegan cuisine is unexpectedly “transcendent” due to the intimate relationship she has with the earth that has produced the ingredients. T explores her cooking in this article.

jeong kwan

Jeong Kwan, photo credit T magazine

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But even if you can talk about food for hours, there comes a point when you need to make contact with it.

I love going to farmers’ markets and farms to see and touch the food we eat. It’s easy to constantly dine at restaurants in this modern world and not know what eggplants or brussels sprouts look like “in the wild.”

Kwan believes that the ultimate cooking — the cooking that is best for our bodies and most delicious on our palates — comes from this intimate connection with fruits and vegetables, herbs and beans, mushrooms and grains. In her mind, there should be no distance between a cook and her ingredients. “That is how I make the best use of a cucumber,’’ she explains through a translator. “Cucumber becomes me. I become cucumber. Because I grow them personally, and I have poured in my energy.” She sees rain and sunshine, soil and seeds, as her brigade de cuisine. She sums it up with a statement that is as radically simple as it is endlessly complex: “Let nature take care of it.”

The current world we live in also allows us to indulge in constant instant gratification. We can’t help but develop an insatiable need for change, and new tools and technologies help us to experience things that were previously unattainable. Constant change is at our fingertips, and we can have it immediately. In an increasingly global and technologically-connected world, we can order any kind of food we want and have it arrive on our doorstep within the hour. We can engineer ingredients so that they are available almost anywhere, year round.

Kwan’s cooking, however, exemplifies the long game. Her secret weapons are the ingredients that have gained character and taste over almost unthinkable lengths of time. Her garden has no fence, and she uses what has grown there in harmony with any animals that may have had more need for the fruits of her labor. There is reward in slow motion, in letting something develop for years rather than days, in patience, in balance with the surrounding natural world.

‘‘That’s why it’s not pretty,’’ she says. If a wild boar makes off with a pumpkin, well, so be it — the garden has no fence around it, and it seems to blur into the surrounding forest in a way that suggests the playground remains open to beasts of all types.

In line with Hemingway’s thought that the “good unpublished poem” is necessary in the world, Kwan cooks far from the eye of the Michelin Guide or James Beard awards, and for very few.  But “positive energy has a habit of finding its way out into the wider world.”

The paradox is that she [cooks] for such a limited audience. There are only two other nuns meditating alongside her at the Chunjinam hermitage. They cook together; sometimes Kwan cooks for the monks, or for visitors.

And this seems like the most Zen idea of all: that one of the world’s greatest chefs can often be found mapping out her meals in silence and solitude, plucking mint leaves in a garden that feels far, far away from anything resembling preening egos and gastronomic luxury. But she seems to know that positive energy has a habit of finding its way out into the wider world. One day, after we have toured the temple, she leads me down to a small bridge that crosses over a creek. We stand on the bridge and she touches her hand to her ear. She wants me to listen. So we listen: She and I simply stand there by the water for a couple of minutes, listening to the sound of the current. Then she smiles — it really is like a ray of light, this smile — and points to the creek and utters a single word in English, as she looks into my eyes.

‘‘Orchestra,’’ she says.

Who do I write for?

I believe that basically you write for two people; yourself to try to make it absolutely perfect; or if not that then wonderful. Then you write for who you love whether she can read or write or not and whether she is alive or dead.
Ernest Hemingway on Writing

A few months ago, someone asked a friend about whether or not I dance. I heard my friend laugh and answer, “No, she’s not a dancer.” I quietly tucked it away in my mind.

I’ve always read voraciously and I write almost just as much. I wrote in notebooks before the internet exploded. I wrote in Notepad files before I could create websites, and journaled using manually-updated HTML files before the advent of blogging.

I have watched the internet affect writing in an interesting way; who do we write for now? What do we write for? Writing is inherently a vulnerable practice. How do you measure its reach? Our society has become obsessed with “likes,” “follows,” and other metrics & analytics behind what we publish. People make attempts at creating content with the one and only goal of  “going viral.” I find myself writing less when I worry too much about its reception.

“We need more true mystery in our lives, Hem,” [Evan Shipman] once said to me. “The completely unambitious writer and the really good unpublished poem are the things we lack most at this time. There is, of course, the problem of sustenance.”

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I moved to New York City, desperate for inspiration. At that time, I could still casually go back in time and find “holes” in my writing history — weeks, months, or even the occasional year that I went without writing. Though I still don’t consistently write prolifically, things are a little different now. New York City hungers for writing. It gulps it down, asks for seconds. I’ve developed the practice of writing daily. I write while I’m on the subway. I write while I’m walking. I write in the rain with one hand while clutching an umbrella with the other.

But it doesn’t mean that it is easy. What do I keep private? What do I make public? When do I hit “send” after writing a letter?

I don’t have a habit of writing second drafts. I rarely edit my first ones unless I find grammar mistakes. I rarely spend longer than an hour on a blog post. As a photographer, finding the moments to capture has never been the problem. It’s the work afterwards that I’ve always struggled at. I find that my favorite pieces of writing are the first drafts that feel like rivers, the ones that I write because I have no choice but to write. The ones that come out sounding right the first time, mostly because I’m writing for an audience of two.

My favorite works of Ta-Nehisi Coates’s haven’t been his opuses—his epic, mammothly researched pieces in The Atlantic that investigate the roots of systemic racism. My favorite pieces have often been around 1,000 words, riddled with typos and rap lyrics, appearing on his blog from 2008 to roughly 2010.
— Zinzi Clemmons via Lit Hub

I’ve been told that I’m not a very explicit writer. I agree. But perhaps I hardly ever intend to be. I try to remember to write for myself. And almost always for one other person. Just one.

I have always danced for the same number of people. My mother tells stories about my sister and me dancing together as soon as we could walk — she says, “You have always had a knack for shaking your booty,” which sounds even cheekier in Mandarin. I have taken a hiatus from my immersion in the tango world because I felt it laden with expectation and the need to reach other people’s ideals. When I used to teach tango, I’d advise beginner dancers to dance from within. To dance for themselves, first and foremost, before they start thinking about the audience.  And to dance for the one person you are holding.

What did I know best that I had not written about and lost? What did I know about truly and care for the most? There was no choice at all.
— Ernest Hemingway

I don’t know if all of my Facebook friends know that I love to write. I don’t know if they think I am a dancer. Journalists do what they do for a larger audience, and performance dancers do, too. It has been a dream of mine to become a journalist. To be published. I want it all. As Cassie writes, “Give me one of everything: to write, and to love, and to be great.”

But I think that first we must remember that we write for ourselves. And for the ones we have loved. Not because they will necessarily read or like what we write. But, as Hemingway said, because we have no choice.

In defense of tenacity

“We could say that love is a tenacious adventure. The adventurous side is necessary, but equally so is the need for tenacity. To give up at the first hurdle, the first quarrel, is only to distort love. Real love is one that triumphs lastingly, sometimes painfully, over the hurdles erected by time, space and the world.”
― Alain Badiou, In Praise of Love

Heartbreak is how we mature, Kafka insists, along with the thought that patience is the key. Along the same vein, Nietzsche talks about why a fulfilling life requires embracing rather than running from adversity.

Also, I’ve been pondering the use of conditional language. I’ve noticed the difference when people instead “talk about the future like it is a certainty” (via a comment made on Chris Sacca’s Product Hunt AMA today and this blog entry that I think the comment is referencing).

Other notes- the ballet, the lights of the Lincoln center at night. Potential, perseverance, patience, and how much I love it when you ask me to remember to write to you. As if I were the sort of person that could ever forget.