“Though on the boat I write, I shoot. On the boat let’s face it I’m held. In its waves, its vagueness, in its water. I see only water. Water doesn’t answer. No land ahead. Just water. So my dilemma shrinks to secondary and abstract. How will I live. I want to stay in this primary thing that moves.”
— Eileen Myles, “The Importance of Being Iceland.”
I had the pleasure of meeting Om this weekend, and in the short 15 minute conversation I had with him I could see why is he one of the most influential people on the internet (and maybe off the internet, too).
He didn’t make small talk. He cut to the chase and asked me what I was doing in New York City, and what I am looking for in life. He looked into my eyes and said that I didn’t look content here, that he saw that I am a Texas girl who loves the open road and skies.
While that may be true, I spent the rest of the weekend reflecting on what I am doing here, really. I do believe that here, all paths intersect. If you want, you can find nothing here- and if you want, you will find the world. New York City is what you paint it to be, whether it be sadness or desperation or hope or anxiety or stillness.
(I also had the pleasure of attending the L.A. Dance Project performance at the BAM. Aptly, Millepied’s piece played upon the themes of “Stay” and “Go”)
Why did I stay here? I am obsessed with how people connect in a place as anonymous and dense as this city. The sometimes superficial intimacy that happens in public without hesitation or thought. The profound roots that grow from only the most stoic passions. As cliche as it is, I am here as wide-eyed witness to these connections and dreams. And when you go toward where you look, you will find yourself there faster and with less struggle than you initially anticipated.
As a more lighthearted postscript, my friend Nate of Gigzolo posted this article the other day. The title is a bit misleading, but I am taking some of her lessons learned to heart. So yes, though I find myself resisting, I will believe in love again. I will start to travel again. I will say yes to the men who ask me on “real” dates, though they be few and far between in this city. I will break down. I will stand up. I will be nicer than I want to be. and I will take photographs along the way.