sometimes you just need someone to pass the lonely with.
and that is okay.
affection can be real and true and good and going absolutely nowhere.
some men will highlight your loneliness. draw attention to it, make it worse. their hand on your knee a distancing thing. and some men will raze that loneliness with a single glance. these are the men who will reveal themselves as home in the span of a night–in the length of time it takes to drink a glass of wine. these are the men who you will move mountains for–they are rare and remarkable and between the two of you a sort of alchemy takes flight.
and then there are the men who you want to kiss–the men you want to adore, but will never fall in love with. so kiss them. and go to breakfast with them. let them buy you dinner. take them to the movies and ruin summers with them.
people speak in directives about love. love entirely or not at all. take the whole of it or none of it. nothing in between.
but the thing is, sometimes the in-between is really good. it is something-else-entirely and sometimes something-else-entirely is entirely right. for a time, it is entirely right. rich and fertile practice ground. a meaningful passing of the time.
sometimes something-else is the comfort of a man’s arm wrapped around you—the immediacy of its warmth and touch, but nothing else. it is not home and it is not the promise of home. but it is nonetheless healing and restorative. and it is your choice.
and that’s okay.
man, i wish someone had told me it was okay a good long while ago.
you do not have to live your life according to the prevailing opinions about love and making a life. you have only to be ruthlessly honest with yourself about what it is you want and what it is you’ll accept one-day-at-a-time.
– meg fee