I was reading about 40 days to personal revolution, which is a yoga/lifestyle/meditation program developed by Baron Baptiste.
Parker Pearson talks about her first week:
This week I observed myself flickering back and forth constantly:
- in my meditation practice from the “now” to planning
- in my asana practice from an inhale to distraction or worry about an old injury
- in my relationships from 100% of my attention on the conversation to spending mental energy on an unsolved issue
- in my food choices when I go from most nourishing to most convenient or habitual
I keep reminding myself, “right aim and right energy”.
Where it’s time for me to take more responsibility isn’t in how I get my work done, but how I take care of myself and what I’ve been avoiding. I see that a new level of commitment to my practice and nourishment is needed if I’m going to truly thrive.
One of the struggles I’ve had is spending a lot of mental energy on things outside of my control. Things that will never change no matter how much time, energy, and breath I spend trying to change them. I have been having incredibly eye-opening conversations with friends about how to identify the triggers that make me feel urgent about situations that are not urgent, and becoming emotional about things that do not warrant the emotion I give them.
As with any physical activity, things come naturally if you relax into them rather than forcing or trying too hard. The nervousness and concentration on the thing itself is what causes injury- trying too hard to catch a football rather than receiving it (this causes many jammed thumbs), trying too hard to do those boleos and adornments in tango, trying too hard to stretch myself into handstands. With these things, the greatest lesson I have learned is to relax with awareness.
So, too, in my relationships… methods of force yield the most pain and injury.
I am learning to have faith that if I let the uncontrollable things just be, the answers will unfold. and while they may not necessarily be the answers I seek, I will know that that which is external to me will ebb and flow but my kingdom is within myself.