earlier this year, for a moment in time, everything stood still. and this man saved (changed) my life. he was more romantic than he’d admit, more intelligent than people give him credit for, and more tender than he’d like to seem.
we wrote letters back and forth for a little while, but it tapered off as we both became busier and more distant. i still read this particular excerpt often:
“Your mom’s lectures sound pretty extensive and hardcore. I think that’s good though. She really cares and wants the best.
“I understand your issues with your father. My family actually has some tough communication issues, with my mom and dad. I’m trying hard with my mom though. Sitting on her couch as a write this.
I think my communication troubles stem from my relationship with my mom and dad actually. I’m trying to work on being a better communicator and being honest and open as well. It’s really tough though and I feel like I’m always opening myself up for ppl to judge me. I don’t deal so well with that. For men, communication is really tough. Men are taught to be doers and not really communicators. It’s good that you are trying to keep strains in your relationship with your father from effecting your other relationships. That’s not easy to do, but it’s important. Everyone deserves a fair shot to be understood and loved without comparison to someone else. We are each our own individuals and though many types of people may share traits, comparison is really not fair.
“Also your statement about men letting you down and your father letting you down really stood out to me. I can really relate and understand where you are coming from. The sad truth is that men are going to let you down. They just are. It’s a certainty. Your dad is going to let you down . . . again. Unfortunately, I’m going to let you down. Your closest friends will let you down. The funny paradox is that the way humans are wired makes us desperate for relationship and so dependent on one another. But interestingly, other people can never fully be all that we may need them to be. Thus they are bound to disappoint us. It’s a really hard reality to swallow and something that I understand on an intellectual level (and I’m sure you do too) but hard to realize emotionally. Humans are gloriously tragic beings. Our capabilities, passion and beauty are truly amazing. We are truly something to behold. But our brokenness and shortcomings are so immediately present. It’s truly an amazing paradox. I write all that to say that you have to take the glory with the tragedy. Even when the tragic seems so overbearing, fight for perspective to see the good. If you think the fight is worth it. So take the glory with the tragedy with your dad, with men, with everyone. It doesn’t mean that you have to lower your standards for support, just change your perspective so that you can really SEE everything. But then again, you and I both know that this is all very easy to preach and very hard to practice. But just make the decision for yourself to see if it’s worth practicing.
“And that’s all I have to say about that. . . Forrest Gump style.”
– June 17th, which was 4 days before my birthday, which was 4 days before his flowers arrived at my front door. And my father’s orchids appeared on my desk in my room. Because life is like a box of chocolates.