holy shit i found this tonight
December 25, 2008 – 10:49 am
what’s so frustrating is that not everyone shares the thirst to really understand the moments, and speak about them, and communicate about them. we all live on this one physical planet, but there are all of these wavelengths, all of these dimensions, all of these planes. and we’re all hovering around each other, making contact where it hurts, joined at the hip, grinding at the hips, smoothing over skin, and still we’re in different places. “long distance” isn’t just geographical.
and i’m going through the different phases of realizing why i was with you.
before, i thought you had tricked me. it was all a lie, the words, the letters, the conversations, your eyes. everything. i thought that you words flowed nonsense from the pages, and i was sucked into a love that never actually existed except in writing.
but now i realize, you spoiled me. everything might have been true, the way you felt, the way you spoke, the way you wove everything into stories and explanations and imagery while waxing poetic. but what i held onto desperately was the fact that you had a voice that could respond to mine. that when i said “i feel guarded around you,” you would know exactly what i meant. that you used those same three languages (only two of them spoken) to the fullest extent, and you carried me along with them.
and now i know why i despaired at your absence. i may not ever find you again.