Today B. sat with me in my office all day. and it was so nice. He reminded me that the most important thing to be successful is the ability to fail.
On the way back from lunch, we passed Jones Hall and I commented about an advertisement for the Rachfest, which I surmised involved Rachmaninoff’s music. He didn’t know who that was, so I hummed what I believe is one of Rachmaninoff’s most famous piano compositions. And I said that the composer probably had really big hands.
B. commented that I seemed to know something about a lot of different things, (I said mostly I know one small fact about many things, but not very much) and he asked me if I could name some things I don’t know very much about.
3. Current Events
That’s as far as we got.
Then I added that I was raised not to fail, but I think that my biggest weakness in life is my fear of failing. So after he reminded me the importance of failing and being able to accept it, my goal this year is to stop being afraid of failing. This also means spending time on things I believe in, but that I may not succeed at. This also means not equating things that aren’t actually failure, to failure. This also means trying to achieve perfection all the time.
I want to waste film. I want to eat cake even if it means I’m failing at eating healthy. I want to try and fail at catching a lot of footballs, but end up succeeding sometimes. I want to cook, even if it tastes terrible. I want to stop being embarrassed of the fat around my belly. I want to spend Saturday nights reading books or reviews of books deciding whether or not to read them, and not feel like I would be better off somewhere else. I want to sit down instead of dancing, and love that I am watching the art of dancing (and not regret that I am not dancing). I want to sing, even if I’m offkey. I want to give things away even if it means I won’t have them anymore. I want to risk heartache for love that’s worth it to me. I want to throw away things that I keep only because I’m afraid of letting them go. I want to try handstands and fall. I want to sweat. I want to stop being so afraid of my insomnia, because some of the greatest, most intelligent, most artistic people do not sleep. I want to be okay with missing some smaller things so that I can do grander things. I want to write things and just keep them as drafts. I want to be honest even if it means it’ll hurt.