for two years this blog has been set to record Pacific time. i think about the Pacific a lot. the way it feels to be alone at the water, how it would feel to put my hand in the Puget Sound. whether my hair would tangle in the wind, and if i would comb it out with my fingers like i have a bad habit of doing while sitting on other people’s new couches. how confusing it is to be cold while standing in front of the sand of a beach. how much my calves hurt after dancing in the sand. how tall the trees are. how bitter the wine must be. whether the air must taste like tears.
“That the thing about which I feel the most shame in life has to do with email and not just one email but many and specifically a great lack of email on my part, that making photo-collage seems to be a staving-off of another project maybe a sort of Pasttime Until but I don’t know what comes after the Until, that often I am happier than I let anyone know which is saying a lot because I might be the happiest person most people know.
“That the same goes for my sadness which doesn’t seem to have a bottom and doesn’t render me passive but active and I have to regulate that part of myself with a steel chain mostly because it doesn’t scare me mostly because it’s the only power that matters and it’s the only power we have.”
– Traci Matlock